Picture: First Day of Second Grade

With everything else that has been going on this week, my "little" girl done growed up and started second grade. With that in mind, I thought I'd go ahead and post this now. In a few years, I'm just going to photocopy it and hang the copies on the front door!

Application for Permission to Date my Daughter

Notice: this application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, criminal history, driving history and psychological evaluation.

1. Name ____________ Date of Birth _____________

2. Height ____ Weight ____ I.Q. _____ G.P.A. ______

3. Social Security # _____ Driver's License # ______

4. Home Address _____________________________

5. Telephone # _________ Pager # _______________

6. How fast can you run 40 yards? ____ 2 miles?____

7. Do you own? A) A van ___ B) A motorcycle ___ C) A waterbed ____

8. Is any part of your body pierced? (Includes earrings) ___ Tattooed? ____

[NOTE: IF YOU ANSWERED YES TO ANY PART OF QUESTION 7 OR 8, DISCONTINUE THE APPLICATION PROCESS AND LEAVE THE PREMISES!]

9. What does LATE mean to you? __________________

10. What does DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER mean to you? __________

11. What does ABSTINENCE mean?______________________

12. Church you attend _____ How often attended __________

13. Best time to interview your Minister___ Mother ___ Father ___

14. Answer by filling the blanks. Please answer freely. All answers are confidential.

a. The last place I would like to be shot on my body is ______

b. If beaten, the last bone I would like to be broken is ______

c. The one thing I hope this application does not ask about is _____

d. In the event of my untimely death, please notify _____

e. My greatest fear is _____

f. When I meet a girl, the first thing I notice about her is ____

IF THE ANSWER TO "f" BEGINS WITH THE LETTER "B",DISCONTINUE THE APPLICATION PROCESS AND LEAVE THE PREMISES

15. What do you want to be IF you grow up? ________________

16. Have you ever been fingerprinted? _____ Had a DNA sample recorded? ____

17. Your dentist is __________________________

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE AND RED HOT POKERS.

Signature __________________________________________________

Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six years for processing. You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write. (It could cause disqualification and injury to your body).