If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.
Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.
Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.
For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.
Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are: You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape.
- If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40.
- If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape
Thanks to my friend Stan for forwarding these to me