I Don't Drink Beer

I guess this isn't funny if you don't know the Steven Curtis Chapman song it is a parody of, but I think it's hilarious!

Becoming a Grown Up

We have not passed that subtle line between childhood and adulthood until we move from the passive voice to the active voice - that is, until we have stopped saying "It got lost" and say, "I lost it."

- Sydney J. Harris (1917 - 1986)

Trips to the Doctor(s)

Thought I'd post a quick explanation for those of you have been praying for me while following my Twitter/Facebook updates.

On July 5th, we headed toward Lake Junaluska, NC the Liberty Fellowship family conference. While on the way to Memphis (the half way point where we planned to spend the night), I began having chest pain and just felt really "not good". I had no appetite and felt really out of it. I didn't say anything to my family, but that night when I went to bed, I considered checking into the hospital. I thought I was about to have a heart attack.

I was finally able to go to sleep Sunday night and felt better when I woke up in the morning. I told Brooke how I had been feeling, she prayed for me and we headed on toward NC. Short version...I had the same symptoms on and off during the week. A couple times, when I felt really bad, I had an OVERWHELMING sense of dread. I did not know if I was having a heart attack or what. I did not know if I should check into the hospital 1,000 miles from home or "wait it out" since I had made it through the symptoms before.

I called my cardiologist on the way home the following Monday (July 20th). I did not feel good again that Tuesday when I heard back from my doctor. He brought me in for a nuclear stress test (which would show any blockage or previous damage to my heart). I was a bit concerned about running on the treadmill after having had chest pains, but I was told that would actually be a 'good' thing if we could reproduce my chest pain!

I had no chest pains on the treadmill and felt great the rest of the night Tuesday, all day Wednesday and on Thursday until 5pm. Thursday night, I got chest pains again and did not feel good. Had another attack of overwhelming dread and really wished I had heard back from my cardiologist.

This Friday, I called my cardiologist and was told my nuclear stress test came back "normal" showing no blockage and no damage. They suggested I call my regular doctor, so I was able to get an appointment on Friday afternoon.

After hearing about my symptoms and clear stress test results, my doctor gave me a sample of Nexium to treat my acid reflux (which had been getting worse) and started a couples tests on my gall bladder.

An initial sonogram on my gall bladder came back "normal". This coming week I am going in for a cardiac blood work up (including checking my blood plaque levels), a follow up visit with the cardiologist and a more in depth (read MORE COSTLY) scan on my gall bladder.

The Nexium has totally taken care of my acid reflux and I have had no more "episodes". Don't know if I've had another couple good days or if this is all related to the acid reflux. I thank the Lord my heart is good, I have had no more episodes and I am feeling good. I am continuing to pray for no more episodes or symptoms and that controlling the acid reflux will take care of it all.

Of course, all of these problems are exacerbated by being overweight. You can also pray for me (please just pray...I'll ask for suggestions if I need them) for me to stay committed to life changes to loose the weight and keep it off.

Made Ya Look

I posted to Twitter/Facebook: "I like my paperclips FAT, my rubber bands skinny and my women like this...with a link to this picture.

Never Know What You'll See

Amanda and I went for a motorcycle ride this evening. We didn't head out until 8pm because it has been so hot. We like to ride the back, country roads and look for animals because you never know what you'll see. Tonight we saw BIG bulls, llamas, goats, ducks, geese, burros, ponies, horses, a vulture, dogs, cats...and this tarantula! I guess this guy was small compared to some, but he was big enough I saw him crossing the road as we rode across a bridge. Amanda was not real thrilled when I got off the bike to take a picture. She was convinced that it was going to be a "jumping tarantula" that would jump up and bite me! I guess she thought I would die instantly and she would be left there on the roadside alone. (We're all pretty happy it didn't turn out that way).

The Fall of Atari

I found this video interesting. I still have an Atari 2600 and at least 30 carts!

Welfare Poem

I cross ocean,

Poor and broke,

Take bus,

See employment folk.

Nice man treat me

Good in there,

Say I need to

See welfare.

Welfare say,

'You come no more,

We send cash

Right to your door.'

Welfare checks,

They make you wealthy,

Medicaid it keep

You healthy!

By and by,

I get plenty money,

Thanks to you,

American dummy.

Write to friends

In motherland,

Tell them 'come

Fast as you can.'

They come in turbans

And Ford trucks,

I buy big house

With welfare bucks

They come here,

We live together,

More welfare checks,

It gets better!

Fourteen families,

They moving in,

But neighbor's patience

Wearing thin.

Finally, white guy

Moves away,

Now I buy his house,

And then I say,

'Find more aliens

For house to rent.'

And in the yard

I put a tent.

Send for family

They just trash,

But they, too,

Draw the welfare cash!

Everything is

Very good,

And soon we

Own the neighborhood.

We have hobby

it's called breeding,

Welfare pay

For baby feeding.

Kid's need dentist?

Wife's need pills?

We get free!

We got no bills!

American's crazy!

He pay all year,

To keep welfare

Running here.

We think America

Darn good place!

Too darn good for

The white man race.

If they no like us,

They can scram,

Got lots of room in Pakistan.

I got the following information sent to me along with this poem. Can anybody verify the or disprove the following information?

It is interesting that the federal government provides a single refugee with a monthly allowance of $1,890.00. And each can also get an additional $580.00 in social assistance for a total of $2,470.00 .

This compares very well to a single pensioner who after contributing to the growth and development of America for 40 to 5 0 years can only receive a monthly maximum of $1,012.00 in old age pension and Guaranteed Income Supplement.

Almost Forgot to Relax

It's been a busy week. We had VBS all week and that means my day off (Friday) is the busiest day of my week cleaning up after the event. (AWESOME week of VBS...115 kids, 6 decisions for Christ). Saturday was preparing for today (I got to preach today) and then today started out early getting everything ready for the iGrow class and the service. After church, went out to eat with my parents, I updated the church web page, took a short nap and paid bills. I finished all of this around 6pm and was trying to decide if I should mow my lawn or get a head start on my premarital counseling for this week. It's been a busy week and my mind was still in "go" gear.

Instead, I decided to take a couple hours and go for a motorcycle ride. I called a couple buddies, but nobody was home, so I headed out by myself. I headed south toward Venus an then veered off onto a random Country Road. I had the GPS with me so I would not get lost and I took one Country Road after the other heading south and west until I ended up in Alvarado. I came back home through Lillian, Rendon and Kennedale never getting onto a major highway. It turned out to be the absolutely perfect, relaxing motorcycle ride that I needed. 70 miles in 2.5 hours (with a stop over at Dairy Queen) on country roads.

I almost forgot to relax today...glad I didn't. Excellent way to end a busy week and prepare for the coming week.

I Have Chosen This Temple

I was reading in 2 Chronicles tonight and ran across this passage where Solomon had asked God to hear his prayers and the prayers of the people of Israel that were offered at the newly-built Temple. God replied in chapter 7, verses 15-16:

I will listen to every prayer made in this place for I have chosen this Temple and set it apart to be my home forever. My eyes and my heart will always be here. (NLT)

After I read that, I got to thinking. God doesn't dwell in the Temple anymore (Acts 7:48), but He lives in our hearts. That means:

1. God will listen to every prayer of MY HEART
2. God has chosen ME/MY HEART to set it aprt to His home forever
3. God's eyes and His heart will always be on, with and in ME/MY HEART

How awsome is that!

Me and My Punkin

This is a picture of me and my Punkin during Spring Break this year. Tonight Brooke had a girls night out with her friends, so Punkin and I had a Daddy/Daughter date night. We left on the motorcycle a little after 5pm and headed to the library first. The Southwest Branch by our house closes at 5pm on Friday (we found out when we got there), so we headed to the Southeast Branch which also turned out to be closed. As we were riding up, Amanda saw the Tails and Trails dog park, so of course we had to stop and see the dogs there.

After that, we went to Blockbuster to rent a Wii game for tonight (and the rest of the weekend). Making decisions is not one of the things Amanda likes to do, and if there is any time constraint involved, it is just plain stressful for her. I was patient, and we finally decided on Mario Galaxy. We played it tonight, but so far, neither one of us are real impressed with it. I certainly am not $9 impressed with it (rental fee).

From there, we headed to the Dollar Tree (Amanda's favorite store in the entire world!). I gave her $5 and let her go. She found a few treasures for herself and picked out a present to give an older, single lady at our church.

I had originally planned on trying out this pizza place in Mansfield where you watch them make your pizza and then you take it home to cook it, but Amanda had pizza for lunch and wanted something else for dinner. Something else = McDonalds. Eh, it's ok. I can always eat McDonalds. We had a good time just haning out and talking over fries, burgers and chicken nuggets.

Last stop was by Red Box to pick up a movie for tonight. I had already looked for a kids movie. I reserved Benji: Off the Leash. All I can about this movie...that one prison warden in Arizona that makes all of his prisoners wear pink underwear and work outside to pay for their onw meals. I think this guy might want to get this movie and make his inmates watch it. Yes, it was THAT PAINFUL!

The movie didn't get over until 10:30pm and which time Amanda was extremely sleepy. She had one mess to clean up before bed and I got to listen to her cry "I'm so sleepy" while she cleaned it up. We crawled into her bed to pray, she said how much she liked Daddy/Daughter date nights and I'm pretty sure she was asleep 30 seconds after that.

Had an awesome night...me and my Punkin.

Street/Trial Riding

I Don't Know Where I Am

A woman in a hot-air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

 

The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.

 

"She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be a Republican."

  

"I am," replied the man. "How did you know?" 

 

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct.  But I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost.  Frankly, you've not been much help to me." 

 

The man smiled and responded, "You must be an Obama Democrat."

 

"I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?" 

 

"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you are going.. You've risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air.  You made a promise you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem.  You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, now it's my fault."

They Make the Light Flash for a Reason

We had a plan. Pastor prayed, the plan began...and just after I turned the video camera on it went off, battery dead. I plugged the camera in and let it "charge" for a couple hours last night. Too bad I never checked to see if the little red light was flashing that means the camera was charging. It turns out I plugged it into the half of my UPS (uninterrupted power supply) that does not work.

So what did I miss? Well, next Sunday (May 10) is Pastor David's 60th birthday. We could not let an occasion like this go by without much fanfare, but the problem was how to make it a surprise. The staff and church leadership always does something for Pastor's birthday, we mention it to the congregation, and on "big ones" (like 50 and 60), we do a big church party. It's not like Pastor expects a birthday party, but I'm thinking since he's turning 60, since we always do something for him, and since his birthday is on a Sunday, he has to have it in the back of his mind that something is going to happen. That's why I suggested we do something today, a week before Pastor's birthday. He wouldn't expect anything today, right?

We began talking it over as a staff and came up with the idea of combining his party with the church picnic. The only problem with that was the fact that the picnic was scheduled at the end of the month. If we did a party then, it would seem like a "guilt party" because we forgot his real birthday. That's when our events coordinator, Pat, came to the rescue. She told Pastor the date we had scheduled for the picnic would not work for her and asked if we could move it to today, May 3rd. The picnic was moved and party planning began in earnest.

So "the plan", as NOT captured on video, went like this. A letter went out to the congregation and asked them to stop by the youth building when they got to church this morning. Those that brought cards/presents dropped them off in the youth building and everybody grabbed a party hat and a party blower. These were smuggled into the sanctuary and hidden until the appointed time. We always have an opening song and then Pastor opens the service in prayer. As he began to pray today, people quietly and "prayerfully" put on their party hats and got out the party blowers. When Pastor said "amen", he may have been startled by the noise as the party blowers sounded and he opened his eyes to a party-hat-clad church. Immediately a video started showing pictures of Pastor over the years and a couple happy-birthday-videos from friends. After the video, we told Pastor that the picnic was also a party for him. Somehow we moved back into worship, had a good service and a good message, and then had the picnic/party afterwards.

I didn't mention that in the midst of all the planning the weather did not cooperate this week. LOTS of rain which makes for muddy church grounds. On Thursday, we decided the chances were GREAT that we would have to move the picnic into the sanctuary, so rather than wait and try to take down all the chairs and set up 18 tables on the fly, we set up the sanctuary for the picnic. When people arrived today, they were asked where they wanted to sit, "table or chairs". This made it a little bit interesting for the ushers as they took up the offering, but it was different and it was fun.

So we had GREAT Texas BBQ for lunch, sang Happy Birthday to Pastor, took ten additional minutes to light all 60 candles on his cake, showered him with gifts and gift cards and had a great time. Lots of volunteers helped clean up so everybody was home before too late this afternoon. What a great day!

Happy Birthday a week early Pastor David. We love you!

FYI - The picture at the beginning of this post is from Pastor's 55th birthday party, not today.

Patriot Micro Chip

THE PATRIOT MICRO CHIP is intended to be implanted in terrorists.  The implant is specifically designed to be installed in the forehead.  When properly installed it will allow the implantee to speak to God. 

  

 It comes in various sizes: 

The exact size of the implant will be selected by a well-trained and highly-skilled technician. The implant may or may not be painless. Side effects, like headaches and nausea, are temporary. Some bleeding or swelling may occur at the injection site.

Please enjoy the security we provide for you.

Best regards,

US Marines

Camping in the Back Yard

The girls say they are going to make it thorugh the night (staying outside). We'll see!

Texas Room...Just Finished

I have been in the process of repainting my office since the beginning of the year. Obviously, it has gone S-L-O-W-L-Y. But I've finally finished the painting (yesterday!). I still have some bookshelves to paint, and as you can see from the video, I still have a lot of walls to cover before my "Texas Room" lives up to it's name. But it's looking good and I'm excited. Here's a minute and a half video tour.

Redneck Artist

12 of 12 - April 2009

8:14am - Breakfast of Champions, (generic) Lucky Charms


8:55am - Vine Fellowship Easter bulletin


8:55am - Amanda at church in her Easter outfit


10:25am - Vine Fellowship Easter service


11:39am - Mrs. Brooke and Kidz Live on Sunday morning


2:37pm - Lunch with Mom and Dad


4:08pm - Yes, that's a Christmas tree. One of the places Amanda had to look for her Easter eggs was under the Christmas tree! That's right, G-ma still has her Christmas tree up.


4:20pm - Mom dyed Easter eggs and hid them for Amanda. Here Amanda has found them all and sorted them by color.


4:34pm - Amanda being silly at Mom and Dad's during her Easter egg hunt.


6:17pm - For years now, Mom has been measuring Amanda from time to time and marking her height with the date on her kitchen door frame.


7:29pm - We had to go grocery shopping on the way home from Mom and Dad's. Picked up these "just because I love you" roses for Brooke while we were there.


7:58pm - Several years ago we received this hand-stir popcorn popper on Pastor Appreciation Sunday. We use it often and we LOVE it.

Easter Myths

One lady wrote in to a question and answer forum.

Dear Sirs,
Our preacher said on Easter, Jesus just swooned on the cross and that the disciples nursed Him back to health. What do you think?
Sincerely,
Bewildered

Dear Bewildered,
Beat your preacher with a cat-of-nine-tails with 39 heavy strokes, nail him to a cross; hang him in the sun for 6 hours; run a spear thru his side; put him in an airless tomb for 36 hours and see what happens. Sincerely,
Charles

(taken from our church bulletin on Easter Sunday)

The Man Rules

Men are NOT mind readers.

Learn to work the toilet seat.You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.We need it up, you need it down.You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost EVERY question.

Come to us with a problem ONLY if you want help solving it. That's what we do.

If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the OTHER one.

You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .

You have enough clothes. You have too many shoes.

I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.