Monday, February 06, 2006

Today Was a Bit Discouraging

Today started out ok. I went in to work 15 minutes early so we could get done counting offering in time for me to get to my doctor's appointment. It was time for my annual heart checkup. The doctor said everything seems fine, but he is concerned about my weight gain. I knew I had gained weight over the holidays, but I weigh more now than I have at any time in my life. I know what I've got to do (lose the weight), but the thought is very depressing.

Only one time in my life have I been successful in losing weight. It was right after I went into the hospital with my blood pressure and pulse rate sky high. I thought I was having a heart attack. I realized then that I could very well end up dying early and leaving my family without a dad and husband, and that scared me enough to change my diet and lose the weight. That lasted for a while, but I eventually gained it back until I got to where I am today. I will lose the weight again, and I hope to be able to keep it off. But that is what is so discouraging...I know what it is going to take.

I think I saw it on an episode of Friends. Somebody saw a guy they hadn't seen since high school, and they hardly recognized him because he had lost so much weight since then. They asked the guy how he did it, and he joked, "I'm pretty much just miserable all the time." I can relate because that is how I feel when I'm dieting. I lose weight by following a low-fat diet. It seems to me a cruel irony that the better a food tastes, the worse it is for you, but I find this to be true. I do not like most vegetables (except corn and potatoes which are not the most healthy members of the veggie family), the only fish I don't mind is EXTREMELY expensive and the food I like is what I should not eat. Fast food is out. And why bother going out to eat if you have to order salad and a chicken breast every time? It's not that I mind salads (minus all the stuff that is good for you) or chicken breasts, it's just that these are not as good as what I really want to order from the menu. It's ok for about two weeks, but after that, it just seems I have to make myself "pretty much miserable all the time" in order to lose/keep off the weight. I will do what I have to do for my family's sake, but I feel like I'm sentencing myself to misery to do it.

And then I got back to the office and started in earnest on a project that is overwhelming me right now. I'm got too many projects going, and it is stressing me out. I plan out my week and say, "OK, from this time to this time I am going to do nothing but work on this project." And so what happens at that particular time? The copier has problems requiring my immediate attention, the office network goes down, a toilet gets plugged up or some other thing happens that requires I skip what I going to do and give attention to the immediate need. And then there are the projects that I would really like to start (some things that are in my heart to do), but where's the time to do it?

I love my job and love what I do at my job. The projects I need to complete are challenging and fulfilling, and even the pressing things that demand my immediate attention are not things I hate to do (except for the plugged up toilets). Everybody I work with has so much stuff to do they also wonder how it is going to get done, so I'm not a special case. And then I've got friends who are facing issues in their personal lives I could not imagine having to deal with. I know my "problems" are petty and these "difficulties" will soon pass. I am thankful for God's blessings, my family, my job and my health...I just guess today was a bit discouraging.

- Rob


stephen said...

Man I am with you on the weight loss stuff dude. Really need to shed at least 30 lbs (which is why I was interested in R-ball...does that help you lose weight by the way?).

One of the things that I have found to help me in this diet journey is to think of how little most of the world has when it comes to food. 70% of the world's population would love to eat chicken everyday (with salads and unsweetened tea). So maybe "being miserable" is all about perspective you know? Our culture really has duped us hasn't it? Thinking we HAVE to eat certain foods, dress a certain way, make a certain amount of money, etc....

Finally, imagine how much greater stories we will have of "discipline" as "leaders" for those we lead when we get to a reasonable weight. (Not to mention the greater things we will get that you already mentioned- more time with family and friends before we see Him face to face!)

Godspeed on your "miserable" journey!

Jason said...

I know eating healthy sucks sometimes, but I believe it will be worth it for ya! Plus just think you won't sweat as much as complain about sometimes!!! LOL j/k

Well I am here for you, anything I can do to help!

Anonymous said...

Rob, I know how you feel probably more than anyone else. I have had a food problem for awhile now. I need to drop about 80 lbs and Rob it scares me to death to know that I have to seriously look at that. I know with my first child coming soon that I have to do something about it, but it scares me so bad that I would rather be shot because it would not hurt as long. I break down in times and wonder what happened to the man I used to be that had the confidence to fight this fight or even wonder when did I take on this infirmity and I have noticed that I am scare to death to take back up the one one part of my life that could help me to over come the problem because I tried to run away from the past because I did not like who I used to be. It is funny how we are wired and sometimes it is hard to get over the pain of trying to overcome hard problems but I know we can do it. If you want to be an accountability partner with me I am willing to be one for you. Funny ain't it, two grown men and we have a problem with something so small in life? Rob, I love you and care for you. You are an awesome man and friend. Let beat this thing together. Your friend, me

Brooke said...

Be encouraged baby, no matter what I will always love you!! I want you to be healthy and happy and with me for a very very looooooooooooooooooong time.

I love you!