Today started out ok. I went in to work 15 minutes early so we could get done counting offering in time for me to get to my doctor's appointment. It was time for my annual heart checkup. The doctor said everything seems fine, but he is concerned about my weight gain. I knew I had gained weight over the holidays, but I weigh more now than I have at any time in my life. I know what I've got to do (lose the weight), but the thought is very depressing.
Only one time in my life have I been successful in losing weight. It was right after I went into the hospital with my blood pressure and pulse rate sky high. I thought I was having a heart attack. I realized then that I could very well end up dying early and leaving my family without a dad and husband, and that scared me enough to change my diet and lose the weight. That lasted for a while, but I eventually gained it back until I got to where I am today. I will lose the weight again, and I hope to be able to keep it off. But that is what is so discouraging...I know what it is going to take.
I think I saw it on an episode of Friends. Somebody saw a guy they hadn't seen since high school, and they hardly recognized him because he had lost so much weight since then. They asked the guy how he did it, and he joked, "I'm pretty much just miserable all the time." I can relate because that is how I feel when I'm dieting. I lose weight by following a low-fat diet. It seems to me a cruel irony that the better a food tastes, the worse it is for you, but I find this to be true. I do not like most vegetables (except corn and potatoes which are not the most healthy members of the veggie family), the only fish I don't mind is EXTREMELY expensive and the food I like is what I should not eat. Fast food is out. And why bother going out to eat if you have to order salad and a chicken breast every time? It's not that I mind salads (minus all the stuff that is good for you) or chicken breasts, it's just that these are not as good as what I really want to order from the menu. It's ok for about two weeks, but after that, it just seems I have to make myself "pretty much miserable all the time" in order to lose/keep off the weight. I will do what I have to do for my family's sake, but I feel like I'm sentencing myself to misery to do it.
And then I got back to the office and started in earnest on a project that is overwhelming me right now. I'm got too many projects going, and it is stressing me out. I plan out my week and say, "OK, from this time to this time I am going to do nothing but work on this project." And so what happens at that particular time? The copier has problems requiring my immediate attention, the office network goes down, a toilet gets plugged up or some other thing happens that requires I skip what I going to do and give attention to the immediate need. And then there are the projects that I would really like to start (some things that are in my heart to do), but where's the time to do it?
I love my job and love what I do at my job. The projects I need to complete are challenging and fulfilling, and even the pressing things that demand my immediate attention are not things I hate to do (except for the plugged up toilets). Everybody I work with has so much stuff to do they also wonder how it is going to get done, so I'm not a special case. And then I've got friends who are facing issues in their personal lives I could not imagine having to deal with. I know my "problems" are petty and these "difficulties" will soon pass. I am thankful for God's blessings, my family, my job and my health...I just guess today was a bit discouraging.