911. What's Your Emergency?

911 Operator: "911. What's your emergency?"

Caller: "Uh yeah. My wife got attacked by a warthog real bad and I need someone to come with an ambulance and pick her up."

911 Operator: "Ok, sir. Can you give me your address?"

Caller: "Uh yeah. We're at 1825 Eucalyptus Drive."

911 Operator: "Ok, can you spell that for me, sir?"

Caller: (long pause) "Uh...I'm...I'm gonna drag her on over to Oak Street and you can pick her up there."

Thanks to Dawn Irons for sending me this.

What Else Could I Ask For?

This picture was taken in December of 2000...almost 8 years ago. That's pretty much how things looked tonight as I put Amanda to bed (except that she is bigger now and I have more hair on my face and less on my head!).

One of my favorite times of the day is when Amanda goes to bed. We have a routine. Amanda gets ready for bed (usually "forgetting" as many things as possible so that she can "remember" them just before she is supposed to get into bed), kisses her Mommy good night and then tells me she is ready for bed. I give her a head start and then crawl into bed beside her. I pray with her and then we spend a few minutes talking. The few minutes could stretch into hours if I let them because Amanda hardly ever thinks she is sleepy, but we usually spend 10-20 minutes talking before I make her close her eyes and go to sleep. And then I lay there and sometimes fall asleep myself. Either I wake myself up, kiss her forehead and leave her for the night, or I start snoring, she elbows me, I wake up, kiss her forehead and leave her for the night.

It is those 10-20 minutes that remind me how awesome it is to be a Daddy. At least for now, one of Amanda's favorite things to do during this time is to ask me to tell stories about when I was growing up. "Tell me an animal story, Daddy" (we had LOTS of pets growing up) or "Tell me what was your favorite..." If we have just discussed lying (as in why Amanda shall never ever do that again if she wants to live to be 10 years old!), she asks me to tell as story about when I got caught lying as a kid. Sometimes I just have to tell her I can't remember any more stories. After doing this over the years, it is hard to remember a story I haven't told!

Amanda is growing up (without my permission!), and she is developing a life of her own with her friends, etc. As we lay in bed tonight talking about how excited we are that Mommy is coming home tomorrow night, I wondered how long we would have our special time before bed each night. As a teenager in too-few-years, will she want to make room for Daddy to squeeze into bed, pray with her and talk about anything and everything that is on her mind? I am sure some things will change, but I'm planning on something similar happening when my baby is in high school.

So I look at 8:30-9:00 PM as a high light of my day, and an investment in the future. When we found out that Brooke was pregnant, my heart was drawn to being a Daddy to a little girl. I don't know why it was that way, but God answered the desire of my heart. (Hmmm...now I wonder. Did God give me a girl because I wanted to be a Daddy to a little girl, or did he give me a heart to be a little girl's Daddy because that is what I was getting? Oh well, it worked out PERFECT either way!)

So my 20 minutes tonight got me to thinking how truly blessed I am. Being a husband to my wife and a Daddy to my little girl...what else could I ask for?

Laws of Ultimate Reality

Law of Mechanical Repair
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

Law of Gravity
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of Probability
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Law of Random Numbers
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

Law of the Alibi
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

Variation Law
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now.

Law of the Bath
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings. &Law of Certainty (a bit more of the bath) If waiting for someone to call, take a shower or use the toilet, it will ring as soon as you are unavailable.

Law of Close Encounters
The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

Law of the Result
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

Law of Biomechanics
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

Law of the Theater
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

The Starbucks Law
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Murphy's Law of Lockers
If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Physical Surfaces
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

Law of the Symptoms
Once you finally get the Doctor or Dentist appointment, it won't hurt anymore.

Law of Logical Argument
Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

Brown's Law of Physical Appearance
If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it

Thanks to my friend Ken for sending these. If YOU have any Laws of Ultimate Reality of your own, feel free to add them in the comments section.

Stay Away From the Walls

I just learned something that might help those of you who have younger children...the closer they sleep to the wall, the more likely they are to have nightmares. Thus, if they almost hang off the bed, they are relatively safe.

This is what my daughter told me on the way back from QT. It all started with an episode of Star Trek that got a little too intense for her during dinner. We were going to watch Ice Road Truckers, but she wanted to watch Star Trek, so we did...right up to the point that it got too scary. We were done with dinner, so she left and went to her room. I heard her starting to cry, so I turned off the TV and had her help me clean up after dinner.

I prayed with her and put her to bed at 8:30pm. Five minutes later, she came into my office telling me she was afraid and could not get Star Trek out of her mind. I told her to pray, listen to her worship music and go back to bed.

At 9:30pm, she was back up crying and terrified because she had a nightmare. We took a break and rode to QT so she could calm down. On the way home, I told her she had to go to sleep because she was going to be a grump in the morning if she did not get her beauty sleep. She wanted to sleep in my bed tonight and explained to me it was better than her bed because there was no wall on either side of the bed and the wall side is where the nightmares happen.

So next time your kid has nightmares, just tell them to stay away from the walls!

So Undeserved and So Huge

I just finished reading The Supernatural Power of a Transformed Mind by Bill Johnson. Here is what I wrote about it in my Visual Bookshelf review:

To simply say "a thought-provoking book" would be a disservice to Bill Johnson. This was a spiritually challenging book. There are some areas I surrounded by question marks because I am still weighing if I agree, but there are many more areas I underlined that challenged my thinking about how God wants to move in my life. I have definitely settled for the "normal" Christian life and Bill Johnson's challenge in the book is to redefine "normal" Christianity. The book has challenged me to let God transform my mind.

Chapter 7 of the book is entitled "Remembering". Here is a brief quote from the book that may have forever changed the way I think about how God sees me.

I'd be interested to know what is written in heaven's book of remembrance, but I think the record of Scripture gives us a good idea. Take the example of Sarah, Abraham's wife. In Genesis 18, she,

Laughed within herself, saying, "After I have grown old, shall I have pleasure, my lord being old also?" And the Lord said to Abraham, "Why did Sarah laugh, saying, 'Shall I surely bear a child, since I am old?' Is anything too hard for the Lord? At the appointed time I will return to you, according to the time of life, and Sarah shall have a son." But Sarah denied it, saying, "I did not laugh," for she was afraid. And He said, "No, but you did laugh!" (Genesis 18:12-15)

She didn't just give an embarrassed giggle. The Hebrew word for laugh tells us she was mocking what God had said. Not only that, she lied about it when God confronted her. But Hebrews 11:11 says of this same woman,

By faith Sarah herself also received strength to conceive seed, and she bore a child when she was past the age, because she judged Him faithful who had promised.

Wow! The record sounds different than the reality! This tells us something precious: the book of remembrance doesn't have a record of our mistakes. Genesis 18 was recorded for human benefit, so you and I could identify with those who followed God in the past. But Hebrews 11 is how it's recorded in the book of remembrance. Once the blood has been applied, there is no record of sin anymore. God brags all over heaven about Sarah, and He does the same about you and me.

Nobody, besides God, is more aware of my shortcomings and failures than I am. But when I read this "remembrance of heaven" account, it was like the Lord was whispering in my ear, "That's how I remember you, too, Rob."

His grace is so undeserved and so huge!

This is what "above my pay grade" means?

(if you are following this blog's RSS feed, you may have to view the original blog to see these two videos)

Well Said

Change is not a destination just as hope is not a strategy.

- Rudy Giuliani, RNC 2008

The Book of My Life

You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. 17 How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered! (Psalm 139:16-17)

I have read this passage before, and I have heard a few interesting teachings from this passage that have raised theological questions in my mind about how "determined" my life is and how much God lets me choose how the book of my life will be written. But as I was reading this passage tonight, a different picture came to me. I did not study this passage, I am not trying to settle theological questions, and I am not teaching this as an interpretation to the passage...it is simply a picture that came to my mind.

It seems to me that it would be more accurate to describe God as the author of the book of my life rather than the reader, but tonight, I pictured God as reading the book of my life. I pictured it being a book that He did not want to put down...one of those books that draws you in and makes you feel like you are right there with the main character. It's not that my life is so great or interesting, but it was like God was reading and living the adventure with me.

And that got me to thinking about my life. Way too many days I get caught up in living life (i.e. paying bills, working, buying stuff and doing whatever else that keeps me busy, busy, busy) that I don't think about my life being an adventure that God wants to experience with me. He never intended for me to be caught up in the mundane; He wants to bring people into my life to make it richer, He has people He wants to minister to through me, He has situations that look totally impossible in this life that He wants to tackle with me (OK, He'd have to push me into those, but then He'd help me tackle them).

God, forgive me for making my "book" boring so often and not letting You experience with me the adventure You intended for my life. Help me to FILL my book with relationships, experiences, joys and risks taken for You. Let the book of my life be one that brings a smile to your face!

You Kids Today Have It Easy

You kids today have it easy. When I was a kid everything was HUGE. My dad was nearly four times bigger than me. You couldn't even see the tops of counters ... Then gradually everything became smaller until it was the manageable size it is today.

- Bizarro comic strip

Get Out The Vote!

Legos...32 Years Later

For some (good) reason, my Mom saved just a few of the toys I had as a kid. One of the things she saved was my box of Legos which I began accumulating at age six (circa 1976). Amanda saw the box in the garage a week or so ago and wanted to get them out, so we did tonight. She has now made plans for the next six weeks...how we can play Legos each and every day. She has decided she wants the Indiana Jones Lego set ("with real ambushes"). I guess today's Legos will still work with ones from three decades ago? I think Mom saved them so that something like this could happen. Good thinking, Mom. Thanks!

Celebrating 15 Years

Well, it was 2 months after the fact, but Brooke and I were finally able to celebrate our 15th wedding anniversary last night. Every year is special, but since this year marked 15, I wanted to do something out of the ordinary.

Our afternoon/evening started on the club floor at Marriott's Renaissance Worthington Hotel in the heart of downtown Ft. Worth.

This is a view of downtown Ft. Worth from our window.

I have always remembered the one time Brooke and I got to eat at Texas de Brazil during the brief time they had a restaurant in Arlington. If you've never eaten there, the experience is hard to imagine. The food is great and the whole dining experience is just plain fun. They have a huge salad bar with a lot of exotic foods on it (I'm personally not that crazy about this part), but then the good stuff begins. Servers begin coming by each table with giant skewers of different kinds of meats: steak, fish, sausage, pork and chicken all cooked differently with PERFECT seasoning. The first time or two you wonder how the little bit they leave you is going to be enough to eat, but then the servers keep coming. The first course is usually the best...until the second one comes and then it is the best. Until the third one comes...well, you get the idea.

So a couple of months ago, I was talking to a friend telling him I wanted to take Brooke to the Ft. Worth Texas de Brazil for our anniversary. My friend takes friends to Texas de Brazil frequently and always purchases their VIP cards that gives you a half-price meal. He gave me a card with two punches on it and I was thrilled to be able to take Brooke.

When we got there, we found out the food was as good (if not better) than we remembered. The room where we ate had four tables in it. Two tables finished and it was just Brooke and I at one table and three "guys who looked like they were Texas oil/gas men" (Brooke's description) at the other table. There was a flat screen TV in our dining room and so they discussed the Olympics with us. They were very friendly and so we conversed on and off during the meal. They asked where we were from and we told them we were from Arlington and were there celebrating our anniversary. We carried on with them and as they left, they said, "You kids have a good evening. Happy anniversary."

We had dessert after they left and then the waitress brought us the check. As I looked at the ticket, I saw the charge for Brooke's cup of coffee that we had ordered with our free (anniversary) dessert, but nothing else. While I was puzzling over where the rest of the ticket was, our waitress came back and told us what was up...the three guys at the table next to us had picked up our tab! We were totally blown away and only wished they guys were still there so we could thank them.


Next, it was time for the "surprise" part of our evening. Brooke already knew we were going to stay at the Worthington and knew we were going to eat at Texas de Brazil, but I wanted to plan something she did not know about. We have seen horse-drawn carriage rides in downtown Ft. Worth, so I contacted Brazos Carriage to see what they offered. They have their carriages downtown every Friday and Saturday night and you can rent the carriage for a 15 minute ride. I was bummed because we were going on a Thursday night, but as I dug a little further into their web site, I found you could do a private, 30 minute rental most any time. I talked to Tracy, the owner, and set up the Sweetheart Package (30 minute ride with flowers and chocolates in the carriage when it arrives) to pick us up outside Texas de Brazil.

As our meal ended, I called Tracy and asked where she was. She said she was out front, so we left. As we walked out, Brooke saw the carriage but started on down the sidewalk. I said, "Hey, you want to ride this? I think they are expecting us." It was awesome...the weather was not too hot, the ride was great, Brooke was surprised and it made for a very romantic evening.

This is just a picture we took back in the hotel room after the carriage ride.

After we dropped the flowers and chocolates off in the room, we went for a walk downtown. We stopped and took this picture in the lobby of our hotel.

I love to take pictures of old-looking court houses. The courthouse in downtown Ft. Worth is very picturesque and I snapped this while we were out walking.


Fifteen years of marriage has flown by. I am so thankful for Brooke and I love her with all that I am. The night did not last long enough for me, but I'm glad we could take the time to create memories and celebrate our 15 years together. Brookie, you are still the love of my life!!!

New Office Policy

Dress Code:

1. You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.
2. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
3. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
4. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
   

Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.

Bereavement Leave:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders' category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break:

• Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
• Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
• Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
  

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

The Management

Walking with God

"The Spirit-controlled life, the Christ-centered life, the God-focused life is daily coming nearer heaven even when it is still on earth. It is a life which is such a steady progress to God that the final transition of death is only a natural and inevitable stage on the way. It is like Enoch who walked with God and God took him. As the child said: Enoch was a man who went on walks with God--and one day he didn't come back."

-William Barclay commentary on Romans 8:5-11

McCain Quote at Sturgis

“We’re not going to pay $4 dollars a gallon for gas (when I am president) because we are going to drill offshore and we are going to drill now. We are doing to drill here and we are going to drill now,” he said. “My opponent doesn’t want to drill, he doesn’t want nuclear power. He wants to inflate your tires.”

Fox News, McCain Rallies Bikers at Sturgis

Motorcycles Don't Do This!

Broken Lawn Mower

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is usually the husband.

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first: the truck, the car, e-mail, fishing, always something more important to me.

Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a few minutes. When I came out again I handed her a toothbrush 'When you finish cutting the grass,' I said, 'you might as well sweep the driveway.'

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

(Thanks to Ken Randell for sending this one to me)

In Memory of a Turtle

Friday afternoon Brooke and I were in the kitchen and Amanda came in from the back yard sobbing, "Gina (Geana) is dead!" We went outside thinking perhaps the turtle had just crawled up inside her shell and would not come out. Amanda then told us she found Gina upside down near the edge of the pen. It seems she crawled up on a brick and got turned on her back. The turtles usually turn themselves over when this happens, but Gina was missing a foot and was not as "mobile" as the other turtles. It seems this time she was not able to turn herself over and the sun got to the less protected bottom of her shell. She was indeed dead.

While Amanda cried and recalled what good turtle Gina was, I dug a hole and we buried her. Amanda wrote a story and a song (below) to remember Gina and then placed this "headstone" on her grave.


"Geana was a great turtle although she probably was sick, a great turtle like her should not die. I wrote a song for her."

Geana was a great turtle
for in my heart you are still here
You are still here.

Save a Forest...Shorten My Receipt!

What is up with the long receipts??? When I purchase something on my debit card, I fold up the receipt, stick it in my wallet, take it home and paper clip it with other receipts so that I can enter them into my computer checkbook. Some of these are so long my wallet doubles in size after I fold up the receipt and jam it in my wallet. Wal-Mart and Walgreens seem particularly guilty. I can usually fold their receipt in half and still see all the info I need to enter it into my checkbook (store name, date and total amount of sale). When we do "big shopping" at Wal-Mart this is not true, but if I get just a couple items, I get the extra long receipt.

When I have a complaint, I try to offer a solution. I have a suggestion in this case. Why doesn't somebody tell "Weird Al" Gore that he can save our planet simply by getting these companies (and others) to shorten their receipts? This will have a two-fold benefit: we can save trees AND Weird Al can support a cause that is actually backed by science and logic. Unfortunately will not be able to punish the "rich" to fill the government's coffers (oops, I mean to "save the poor") but he could go after "big business" and we all know that is a good thing, right?

Turning the World Upside Down

I came across something I thought was interesting as I was reading in Acts this week. In Acts 17, Paul and Silas visited Thessalonica after they gout out out of a Macedonian jail. Some of the Jews were converted and the Jewish leaders did not like it, so they gathered a mob, "set the city in a uproar" and took the city authorities to Jason's house where Paul and Silas were. What caught my attention was the charge they brought against them: "These who have turned the world upside down have come here, too." (Acts 17:6, KJV)

I thought about that and wondered if God expected the same of me. I mean, I'm a Christian just like Paul was. If he could turn the world upside down (his enemies' words), what does God want me to in my world?

The first thing that came to my mind was Jesus turning over the tables of the money changers upside down. "And Jesus entered the temple and drove out all those who were buying and selling in the temple, and overturned the tables of the money changers and the seats of those who were selling doves." (Matt. 21:12, NASB) I don't think the Jewish leaders were saying Paul and company had literally turned the world upside down, but that was what first came to my mind. And when I thought that, I immediately thought, "I can't do that. That's not my personality, I'm not that kind of person."

I used to feel guilty for not being "that kind of person"...until I tried it on my own one time and fell flat on my face (long story...but Brad will remember it, the day we were at Chili's). When I got up off my face (figuratively), I kinda felt like God was laughing like a parent does when they don't want their kid to see them laughing, but they can't help themselves. He gently reminded me that he made me "ME" and not anybody else. He gave me my personality...all that I am AND all that I am not. He was very effective at getting my attention and reminding me to be just me...Rob.

So with all of that going through my head, I thought about the whole "turning the world upside down" thing again and God reminded me of a Scripture in Isaiah 5:20 that says, "Woe to those who call evil good, and good evil; Who substitute darkness for light and light for darkness; Who substitute bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter!" That Scripture has always reminded me of many things in our culture today where we accept as "normal" things that are upside down from the way God intended it.

And that's when it hit me. "Wait a minute. I CAN turn my world upside down. Actually, I'm just turning it right side up again." I don't have to run around throwing tables over, standing out and being seen. I can do what is right, treat people with kindness, show God's love in real ways and tell people about His love right where I am. I can take a stand for righteousness (without screaming at those who are not) and begin to turn the world upside down (right side up) right where God has placed me.

Turning the world upside down is not always about crashing tables and being loud. Actually, Jesus only did that with religious people, and it was an isolated incident. Paul was merely sharing what he knew and what Christ had done in his life when he was accused of turning the world upside down. I can do that much.