It's Just Me...Rob: What was your mom like when you were a child?

From my Storyworth collection

When I think about my mom and how she raised me, I think of two things: 1) it seems like she had a plan from the very beginning to help me succeed as an adult and 2) she had a love for animals which she has passed along to me.

Helping Me Succeed as an Adult

Mom says I was an early talker, and she attributes that to talking to me from a very young age, and not talking to me like a baby. Mom always explained things to me simply so that I could understand whether it was teaching me how to do something new, the consequences of my actions or how to think for myself. I remember two humorous situations where I thought through things for myself and although I put some serious thought into it (as a 3–4-year-old), I came to the wrong conclusion. I remember one day Mom did something nice for me. I don’t remember what it was, but I did not thank her for it. Her exact words to me were, “You did not say thank you, kiss my foot or anything.” Even at 3 years old, I realized that I should have been more appreciative, but I did not know there was more than one way to say, “thank you”. Since I had messed up, I chose the ‘new way of saying thank you’ and I replied, “Kiss my foot.” I honestly thought I was just saying “thank you” a different way, but it took me about a second and half of reading Mom’s face to realize I messed up again. Fortunately, Mom could tell by the look on my face I did not know what I had said, and she asked me, “Do you know what ‘kiss my foot’ means?” It was explained to me that day (in simple language a 3-year-old could understand), and I never chose that ‘thank you alternative’ again.

The second humorous instance I remember honestly trying to do the right thing (while solving a problem at the same time) was when I was bitten by the neighbor’s dog, which opened up the skin on the front of my nose. While calling the doctor, Mom clearly explained, “Do NOT scratch your nose” because that would further open the wound. As Mom was describing to the doctor what happened and asking if I needed to go see him, my nose really itched. I knew I was not supposed to scratch my nose, AND I knew that the itch would go away if I rubbed my nose along the embroidery on the back of our couch (scratching was using my hand, so this did not count as scratching). By the way my mother yelled at me, I again quickly figured out, despite my best efforts to be obedient and solve a problem at the same time, rubbing my nose with the couch to make it stop itching was NOT acceptable. I have a scar on my nose demonstrating both that scratching my nose would make it scar and that scars on a man are sexy! (LOL)

Mom also taught me to respect others whether it was being kind to kids my age or looking an adult in the eyes and speaking when being spoken to. The rule at our house was, if they were 10 years older than me and my sister, we called them Mr. or Miss/Mrs.

When I was in high school, I attended an ACE school (stands for Accelerated Christian Education), and our education was self-paced. We literally had PACEs (self-study, magazine-like books) where you read, answered questions and self-tested. At the end of each PACE, you were given a written test. Generally speaking, the expected accomplishment for each grade (to graduate on time) was 12 PACEs in each subject. Ideally this would put you at PACE 144 when you graduated, but if you tested below your grade level when you came into the school (almost everybody tested low in math and I think I was low in English when I came in, too) you would have to do extra work to get to PACE 144 by graduation. Because I was college bound, I needed to be at PACE 144 in all of my subjects. I think I was motivated like most high school students, and I was doing what was required of me, but nothing more. This pace would not get me to PACE 144 in all of my subjects, so Mom had a difficult conversation with me sometime during my junior year. It was difficult because she pretty much said, “I don’t care what your excuses are, you are going to have to do extra work at get to PACE 144 in all of your subjects.” I did not like it, I probably didn’t think it was “fair”, but I learned how to look at what had to be done, break it down into doable steps, and get it done. I planned how many PACEs I needed each quarter, how long I had to complete each one, how much I needed to complete each day at school and how much I needed to complete as homework. I did 15-20% more than the required PACEs my junior and senior years, and I completed my goal (with a good GPA). Not only did this prepare me for college academically, but this taught me to set goals, organize myself and excel both in college and in future jobs.

This was me tickling Mom and her “defense move” (maybe THIS is why I have that scar on my nose!)

This picture was taken around my senior year in 1987.

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Speaking of being prepared for college, Mom also made sure I was prepared for life on my own. I did not have to cook for myself in college (thanks to a cafeteria plan), but I knew how to prepare simple meals and could cook for myself. I also knew how to wash clothes, make a bed (complete with hospital corners thanks to Mom’s nursing background) and keep my room clean. When I got married, my wife did not have to pick up after me or care for me like a kid.

Which brings me to another area where Mom helped prepare me for life…how to treat my wife. I’m still a guy and have had my fair share of “dumb guy moments”, but from the time I was old enough to understand, Mom spent time explaining to me how women think and feel different than men. At age 53, I still do not have this all figured out, but I entered into marriage understanding my wife will not see the world as I do, and if I want her to feel loved, I’m going to have to take that into account when I act. Brooke and I have been married 29 years this year and I attribute much of our making it through the first years to the things my mom taught me.

My Love for Animals

I think I will save a list of all the animals I had growing up for a separate post, but I will say we always had animals growing up because Mom was an animal lover. I’m not sure people (i.e., your parents) can make you an animal lover, I think the animals themselves do that. But when you are raised by an animal lover who takes good care of the animals, I think that’s highly likely to rub off on you. I appreciate that I not only got to experience being around a lot of different kinds of pets growing up, but Mom also taught me how to care for them not just when it was ‘fun’, but every day like their lives depended on me. I learned not to forget to keep water in the dog’s bowl by going half a day without water! I know, this would probably be considered ‘child abuse’ today. I don’t remember thinking of was going to die of thirst (so it may not have been a literal half day), but I do remember ‘lesson learned’. Pets really do depend on us for everything, and I’m glad my mom taught me how to care for them.

This was an article the local newspaper ran on Mom (a.k.a. “Nona” thanks to the reporter's typo) and her pet skunk, Tobias

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Mom loved her cats. This was 2 of the 26 cats (literally) we had when we lived in the country in Iowa.

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Mom Through the Various Stages of Life

When I was little, she was Mommy who loved and cared for me. In elementary school, she taught me how to learn and be respectful of others. In junior high, she taught me how to care for myself and learn the skills I would need for life. In high school, she taught me to set goals, challenge myself and work hard to achieve those goals. In college and Bible college, she supported me, and I image prayed a lot for me. After I married, she listened a lot and had advice when asked.

Now that I’m older (and she’s even OLDER!), I have the opportunity to care for her like she did for me. Caring for a parent is not like caring for a kid and being cared for by your kid is not something that comes naturally when you’re used to being self-sufficient. We’re still working it out, but we have a lot of years of LOVE behind us and we’re figuring it out as we go along. She has been there for me all of these years so I will definitely be there for her. Ha! I bet she’s glad now that she invested all of that time into helping me become a decent adult who loves and respects others and knows how to accept responsibility!