No sharing of my life’s stories would be complete without sharing about my Jesus journey. My relationship with Jesus is a journey that started when I was a child, is currently ongoing and will not end until I see my Jesus face to face.
Like all of us, I was created to have a relationship with God. I am thankful that my journey began at a young age. I grew up in a Christian home going to church. I remember one day at our church in San Diego (around 1976, age 6) the teacher talked about God’s love for us and Jesus dying for our sins. She asked if anybody wanted to ask Jesus into their hearts. I clearly remember thinking, as a 6-year-old, “I’ve heard this story before, and I believe it, but I have never responded.” That day, I raised my hand, asked Jesus for forgive me of my sin and come into my heart.
I grew up in Sunday School, so I learned all of the Bible stories. I learned them and I believed them. I don’t remember a whole lot more about my spiritual journey until 6th grade. We moved from Broken Arrow, Oklahoma to Burlington, Iowa. I don’t know if it was moving out of the Bible Belt or moving into Jr. High (6-8th grade was Jr high), but there was a major shift in the atmosphere at my new school. There were not many Christian kids in my school. I knew Jesus but was not really sold out for Him, so I struggled but did not really turn to Him for help. It was a MISERABLE year for me.
As my 7th grade year was approaching, my parents asked me about attending the Christian school in town. We (my parents, my sister and I) checked it out and both my sister and I were enrolled. We attended Burlington Christian School and First Assembly in Burlington (the church that hosted the school). Those six years from 7th grade to graduation were so good for my Christian faith…a real foundation was laid.
Another significant milestone in my journey happened during this time when I was in the 10th grade. One Sunday night I was at church with my girlfriend (we both played trumpet during worship on Sunday nights from time to time) and the teaching was about being filled with the Holy Spirit. My girlfriend went to the front to be prayed for, so I went and stood behind her to pray for her (I am not sure why I did that…it was God). Next thing I knew as they were coming down the line praying for people, I started praying in tongues. I was standing BEHIND the prayer line, nobody laid hands on me, and nobody prayed for me, but the Holy Spirit filled me that night.
The next big step in my spiritual journey was my freshman year in college. I attended the junior college in Burlington, and I remember a discussion about abortion in one of my classes. The professor and the class were not Christian nor pro-life, but back then diverse opinions were allowed. I was asked why I felt abortion was wrong and I knew the “answer” was because it killed the baby. I was then asked, “What about… (this and that hypothetical situation, difficulty, etc.)”. I had no answer because in my Christian school, I had been taught all the Christian “answers”. It’s not that the answers were wrong, but very quickly I figured out I had learned to parrot the answers, but I had not wrestled with the questions for myself. That year of junior college was another year of great spiritual growth as I learned to understand why I believed what I believed, to own my faith and to be bold sharing it with others.
My sophomore-senior years in college were spent in Kankakee, IL. When I arrived at Olivet Nazarene University, it was never a question of “if” I would go to church, I just had to find one. It was the first time I ever had to find a church on my own. I went one week to the campus Nazarene church, and it was not really for me. The next week I went to the other Nazarene church in town and although it was freer in worship, it still did not feel like “home”. Before the Internet, you had to use a phone book to find a church. I don’t remember what “label” I looked up, but I found Peoples Church and decided to visit there. That church was definitely a God appointment! Because the University in town was a Nazarene university, most students were Nazarene and attended those churches. I was pretty much the only college age kid at Peoples Church, and they not only welcomed me but very soon adopted me. I LOVED that church family!
Not long after beginning to attend the church, I heard about a meeting regarding the youth ministry and an invitation for anybody who wanted to help. I went to the meeting, listened to the need and offered to provide rides for students needing a ride to or from the church. I remember going home that night, very excited at the thought of helping with the youth ministry and telling God, “Lord, if there is anything else you want me to do besides giving rides, I will do it.” Two days later I got a phone call from the volunteer at the church who was going to lead the newly formed youth ministry. He said, “I volunteered to do this because I love students and our church does not have a youth ministry, but my work schedule keeps me very busy. I will be there on Wednesday nights, but would you consider leading the youth meetings?” I hardly had time to process this when I heard the Lord say, “You offered. There ya’ go.” And so started my time in youth ministry.
As the Lord began to lead me in this ministry, I remembered back to a convention I had attended during high school with my Christian school. One night during the convention, an altar call was given for vocational ministry. I responded feeling the Lord was calling me into ministry, but it was odd because I never thought about it too much after that night. I had never questioned what kind of ministry and I did not plan a career in ministry. It is almost as if I responded that night and did not think about it again until the Lord reminded me of it as I was in the midst of starting youth ministry.
For three years I served in the youth ministry at Peoples Church leading the Wednesday night youth service, helping with youth Sunday, going on youth outings and taking kids on retreats. As graduation was approaching my senior year, Pastor Terry called me into his office for a meeting. He asked me my plans for the future, and I told him I wanted to attend Bible college and be a youth pastor. He talked to me about a Bible college in Chicago, offered some tuition help and a position at the church as youth pastor. As he was talking, the conversation playing in my heart and in my head was, “This is absolutely my DREAM scenario.” I was familiar with that Bible school, I LOVED Peoples Church and that is where I wanted to serve. But at the same time, I knew that was not the Lord’s plan for me. I told Pastor Terry I was flattered and could think of nothing I would rather do, but I would have to pray about it because I sensed the Holy Spirit was leading me in another direction. I did not know what that other direction was, but I knew, and I trusted Him. I was sad, but I knew God had another plan.
As God closed that door, He opened the door for me to attend Christ for the Nations. I moved to Dallas, began attending classes and looking for a local church internship as youth pastor. I was offered a position at one church but knew that was not what God had for me. I met with Brad Howard, the director of the youth program a CFNI and asked for counsel. Should I intern at a big church and gain experience there or look for a small church to lead the youth ministry? Brad encouraged me to find a church where I could lead the youth ministry, so I did. A friend invited Brooke and I (I will save the story of “How I met your mother” for its own post) to attend the church where our friend worked in the nursery. Brooke and I liked the church (Trinity New Life Fellowship) and as I tell people “It just so happened” that they were looking for a youth pastor. Pastor David took me under his wing and mentored me in ministry. Brooke and I were married at the church, I volunteered as youth pastor, was brought on part-time, and then went full-time as secretary and youth pastor when our secretary got married and left. Sometime later I was able to go on as full-time youth pastor until 2002 when my heart for ministry changed and I became the administrative pastor at the church where I still serve today (now called Vine Fellowship).
Sometime during the mid-nineties, some of our staff attended a prayer conference. I was not that excited about it, but it was a staff thing, so I went. It was here that I was introduced to the idea of prayer journaling. After salvation and being filled with the Holy Spirit, this ranked as the next biggest thing in my personal relationship with the Lord. I had prayed most all of my life and I knew God heard me, but I never was really able to say, “This is what God said to me today” before that conference. I was taught to write down my prayer to the Lord and then ask, “Lord, what would you say to me?” either with a specific question or in a general sense. Then, as soon as thoughts started coming, write them down. Don’t pause. Don’t analyze, just write. The basic premise was, “God speaks to us through our thoughts, so ask Him to speak and then write down what comes to you.” After you have written down what you heard, THEN it is ok to analyze and judge the word. It is ok to read it to a friend or spiritual leader and ask, “Does this sound like God to you?”, especially if the word gives some sort of direction. I think the biggest take-away from learning how to do this is how GREAT God’s love is for me. I have always been so hard on myself, but God is not. When I mess up, I write out my prayer and repent. God’s answer is usually something along the lines, “Yes, that was wrong, and you know it. Don’t’ do it again. I forgive you and love you, now let’s move on and do this…” I do not take my sin lightly and neither does God, but He doesn’t beat me over the head with confessed sin. He acknowledges and accepts my repentance, forgives me and then shows me where to go from there. I can pray without journaling, but I have found nothing that makes it easier for me to hear God speaking to me than through what I call “two-way prayer journaling”.
Lastly, two other significant steps in my spiritual journey. I will cover them briefly because I cannot point to a specific time as when these steps happened. They happened over time and were not related to any particular event other submitting my heart to Jesus. The first step has to do with loving people. My personality, ever since I was started testing and analyzing it in my college psych classes, has always been task oriented. I did not dislike people, but I found that people could be a hinderance when I had a task that needed to be done. Even in ministry it meant, “I don’t have time for people, I have a job to do.” Over the years, even though I am still task-driven, the Lord has given me a LOVE for people. I used to be uncomfortable with people one-on-one, but now I enjoy meeting new people and having the luxury of sitting down with them and hearing their story. I love to hear people’s story.
And the most recent step in my spiritual journey (which has been taking place over the past SEVERAL years) is my falling in love with Jesus in a new way. Besides being task oriented, I was also very legalistic. Because I loved Jeus, I tried to follow all of the rules. It’s still in my nature to be a rule-follower, but in my walk with the Lord, I now focus on giving my heart to Jesus. When He has my heart, when I fully love Him, my actions will follow. In the midst of this learning process, the Lord gave me this prayer during my journaling time. It has become my life’s prayer: “Help me to keep in step with the Holy Spirit so that I might bring honor to Jesus and a smile to the Father’s face.” I can tear up just thinking about bringing a smile to my Father’s face…there is nothing I want more.
I will close with my three life verses and the lyrics to the song that has become my heart’s cry.
“Now without faith it is impossible to please God, since the one who draws near to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him.” ~Hebrews 11:6 (NLT). I will be one who seeks Him!
“We cared so much for you that we were pleased to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own lives, because you had become dear to us. ” ~1 Thes. 2:8 (CSB). This is my ministry life verse.
“Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way. The Lord be with you all. ” ~2 Thes. 3:16 (NET). This is a blessing the Lord gave me specifically for officers any time I get to share with them. I also have the privilege of speaking this blessing over our congregation each Sunday as we are dismissed.
Lastly, I will end with the words to the song “Lifesong” by Casting Crowns. If I were to put the cry of my heart into words, this is what it would be:
Empty hands held high
Such small sacrifice
Not joined with my life
I sing in vain tonight
May the words I say
And the things I do
Make my lifesong sing
Bring a smile to you
Let my lifesong sing to you
Let my lifesong sing to you
I want to sign your name
To the end of this day
Lord led my heart was true
Let my lifesong sing to you
Lord I give my life
A living sacrifice
To reach a world in need
To be your hands and feet
So may the words I say
And the things I do
Make my lifesong sing
Bring a smile to you
Let my lifesong sing to you
Let my lifesong sing to you
I want to sign your name
To the end of this day
Lord led my heart was true
Let my lifesong sing to you
Hallelujah, Hallelujah let my lifesong sing to you
Hallelujah, Hallelujah let my lifesong sing to you
Hallelujah, Hallelujah let my lifesong sing to you
Let my lifesong sing to you
Let my lifesong sing to you
I want to sign your name
To the end of this day
Lord led my heart was true
Let MY lifesong sing to you
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