Patriot Micro Chip

THE PATRIOT MICRO CHIP is intended to be implanted in terrorists.  The implant is specifically designed to be installed in the forehead.  When properly installed it will allow the implantee to speak to God. 

  

 It comes in various sizes: 

The exact size of the implant will be selected by a well-trained and highly-skilled technician. The implant may or may not be painless. Side effects, like headaches and nausea, are temporary. Some bleeding or swelling may occur at the injection site.

Please enjoy the security we provide for you.

Best regards,

US Marines

Camping in the Back Yard

The girls say they are going to make it thorugh the night (staying outside). We'll see!

Texas Room...Just Finished

I have been in the process of repainting my office since the beginning of the year. Obviously, it has gone S-L-O-W-L-Y. But I've finally finished the painting (yesterday!). I still have some bookshelves to paint, and as you can see from the video, I still have a lot of walls to cover before my "Texas Room" lives up to it's name. But it's looking good and I'm excited. Here's a minute and a half video tour.

Redneck Artist

12 of 12 - April 2009

8:14am - Breakfast of Champions, (generic) Lucky Charms


8:55am - Vine Fellowship Easter bulletin


8:55am - Amanda at church in her Easter outfit


10:25am - Vine Fellowship Easter service


11:39am - Mrs. Brooke and Kidz Live on Sunday morning


2:37pm - Lunch with Mom and Dad


4:08pm - Yes, that's a Christmas tree. One of the places Amanda had to look for her Easter eggs was under the Christmas tree! That's right, G-ma still has her Christmas tree up.


4:20pm - Mom dyed Easter eggs and hid them for Amanda. Here Amanda has found them all and sorted them by color.


4:34pm - Amanda being silly at Mom and Dad's during her Easter egg hunt.


6:17pm - For years now, Mom has been measuring Amanda from time to time and marking her height with the date on her kitchen door frame.


7:29pm - We had to go grocery shopping on the way home from Mom and Dad's. Picked up these "just because I love you" roses for Brooke while we were there.


7:58pm - Several years ago we received this hand-stir popcorn popper on Pastor Appreciation Sunday. We use it often and we LOVE it.

Easter Myths

One lady wrote in to a question and answer forum.

Dear Sirs,
Our preacher said on Easter, Jesus just swooned on the cross and that the disciples nursed Him back to health. What do you think?
Sincerely,
Bewildered

Dear Bewildered,
Beat your preacher with a cat-of-nine-tails with 39 heavy strokes, nail him to a cross; hang him in the sun for 6 hours; run a spear thru his side; put him in an airless tomb for 36 hours and see what happens. Sincerely,
Charles

(taken from our church bulletin on Easter Sunday)

The Man Rules

Men are NOT mind readers.

Learn to work the toilet seat.You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.We need it up, you need it down.You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost EVERY question.

Come to us with a problem ONLY if you want help solving it. That's what we do.

If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the OTHER one.

You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .

You have enough clothes. You have too many shoes.

I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.