911. What's Your Emergency?

911 Operator: "911. What's your emergency?"

Caller: "Uh yeah. My wife got attacked by a warthog real bad and I need someone to come with an ambulance and pick her up."

911 Operator: "Ok, sir. Can you give me your address?"

Caller: "Uh yeah. We're at 1825 Eucalyptus Drive."

911 Operator: "Ok, can you spell that for me, sir?"

Caller: (long pause) "Uh...I'm...I'm gonna drag her on over to Oak Street and you can pick her up there."

Thanks to Dawn Irons for sending me this.

What Else Could I Ask For?

This picture was taken in December of 2000...almost 8 years ago. That's pretty much how things looked tonight as I put Amanda to bed (except that she is bigger now and I have more hair on my face and less on my head!).

One of my favorite times of the day is when Amanda goes to bed. We have a routine. Amanda gets ready for bed (usually "forgetting" as many things as possible so that she can "remember" them just before she is supposed to get into bed), kisses her Mommy good night and then tells me she is ready for bed. I give her a head start and then crawl into bed beside her. I pray with her and then we spend a few minutes talking. The few minutes could stretch into hours if I let them because Amanda hardly ever thinks she is sleepy, but we usually spend 10-20 minutes talking before I make her close her eyes and go to sleep. And then I lay there and sometimes fall asleep myself. Either I wake myself up, kiss her forehead and leave her for the night, or I start snoring, she elbows me, I wake up, kiss her forehead and leave her for the night.

It is those 10-20 minutes that remind me how awesome it is to be a Daddy. At least for now, one of Amanda's favorite things to do during this time is to ask me to tell stories about when I was growing up. "Tell me an animal story, Daddy" (we had LOTS of pets growing up) or "Tell me what was your favorite..." If we have just discussed lying (as in why Amanda shall never ever do that again if she wants to live to be 10 years old!), she asks me to tell as story about when I got caught lying as a kid. Sometimes I just have to tell her I can't remember any more stories. After doing this over the years, it is hard to remember a story I haven't told!

Amanda is growing up (without my permission!), and she is developing a life of her own with her friends, etc. As we lay in bed tonight talking about how excited we are that Mommy is coming home tomorrow night, I wondered how long we would have our special time before bed each night. As a teenager in too-few-years, will she want to make room for Daddy to squeeze into bed, pray with her and talk about anything and everything that is on her mind? I am sure some things will change, but I'm planning on something similar happening when my baby is in high school.

So I look at 8:30-9:00 PM as a high light of my day, and an investment in the future. When we found out that Brooke was pregnant, my heart was drawn to being a Daddy to a little girl. I don't know why it was that way, but God answered the desire of my heart. (Hmmm...now I wonder. Did God give me a girl because I wanted to be a Daddy to a little girl, or did he give me a heart to be a little girl's Daddy because that is what I was getting? Oh well, it worked out PERFECT either way!)

So my 20 minutes tonight got me to thinking how truly blessed I am. Being a husband to my wife and a Daddy to my little girl...what else could I ask for?

Laws of Ultimate Reality

Law of Mechanical Repair
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

Law of Gravity
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of Probability
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Law of Random Numbers
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

Law of the Alibi
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

Variation Law
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now.

Law of the Bath
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings. &Law of Certainty (a bit more of the bath) If waiting for someone to call, take a shower or use the toilet, it will ring as soon as you are unavailable.

Law of Close Encounters
The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

Law of the Result
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

Law of Biomechanics
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

Law of the Theater
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

The Starbucks Law
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Murphy's Law of Lockers
If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Physical Surfaces
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

Law of the Symptoms
Once you finally get the Doctor or Dentist appointment, it won't hurt anymore.

Law of Logical Argument
Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

Brown's Law of Physical Appearance
If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it

Thanks to my friend Ken for sending these. If YOU have any Laws of Ultimate Reality of your own, feel free to add them in the comments section.

Stay Away From the Walls

I just learned something that might help those of you who have younger children...the closer they sleep to the wall, the more likely they are to have nightmares. Thus, if they almost hang off the bed, they are relatively safe.

This is what my daughter told me on the way back from QT. It all started with an episode of Star Trek that got a little too intense for her during dinner. We were going to watch Ice Road Truckers, but she wanted to watch Star Trek, so we did...right up to the point that it got too scary. We were done with dinner, so she left and went to her room. I heard her starting to cry, so I turned off the TV and had her help me clean up after dinner.

I prayed with her and put her to bed at 8:30pm. Five minutes later, she came into my office telling me she was afraid and could not get Star Trek out of her mind. I told her to pray, listen to her worship music and go back to bed.

At 9:30pm, she was back up crying and terrified because she had a nightmare. We took a break and rode to QT so she could calm down. On the way home, I told her she had to go to sleep because she was going to be a grump in the morning if she did not get her beauty sleep. She wanted to sleep in my bed tonight and explained to me it was better than her bed because there was no wall on either side of the bed and the wall side is where the nightmares happen.

So next time your kid has nightmares, just tell them to stay away from the walls!

So Undeserved and So Huge

I just finished reading The Supernatural Power of a Transformed Mind by Bill Johnson. Here is what I wrote about it in my Visual Bookshelf review:

To simply say "a thought-provoking book" would be a disservice to Bill Johnson. This was a spiritually challenging book. There are some areas I surrounded by question marks because I am still weighing if I agree, but there are many more areas I underlined that challenged my thinking about how God wants to move in my life. I have definitely settled for the "normal" Christian life and Bill Johnson's challenge in the book is to redefine "normal" Christianity. The book has challenged me to let God transform my mind.

Chapter 7 of the book is entitled "Remembering". Here is a brief quote from the book that may have forever changed the way I think about how God sees me.

I'd be interested to know what is written in heaven's book of remembrance, but I think the record of Scripture gives us a good idea. Take the example of Sarah, Abraham's wife. In Genesis 18, she,

Laughed within herself, saying, "After I have grown old, shall I have pleasure, my lord being old also?" And the Lord said to Abraham, "Why did Sarah laugh, saying, 'Shall I surely bear a child, since I am old?' Is anything too hard for the Lord? At the appointed time I will return to you, according to the time of life, and Sarah shall have a son." But Sarah denied it, saying, "I did not laugh," for she was afraid. And He said, "No, but you did laugh!" (Genesis 18:12-15)

She didn't just give an embarrassed giggle. The Hebrew word for laugh tells us she was mocking what God had said. Not only that, she lied about it when God confronted her. But Hebrews 11:11 says of this same woman,

By faith Sarah herself also received strength to conceive seed, and she bore a child when she was past the age, because she judged Him faithful who had promised.

Wow! The record sounds different than the reality! This tells us something precious: the book of remembrance doesn't have a record of our mistakes. Genesis 18 was recorded for human benefit, so you and I could identify with those who followed God in the past. But Hebrews 11 is how it's recorded in the book of remembrance. Once the blood has been applied, there is no record of sin anymore. God brags all over heaven about Sarah, and He does the same about you and me.

Nobody, besides God, is more aware of my shortcomings and failures than I am. But when I read this "remembrance of heaven" account, it was like the Lord was whispering in my ear, "That's how I remember you, too, Rob."

His grace is so undeserved and so huge!

This is what "above my pay grade" means?

(if you are following this blog's RSS feed, you may have to view the original blog to see these two videos)

Well Said

Change is not a destination just as hope is not a strategy.

- Rudy Giuliani, RNC 2008

The Book of My Life

You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. 17 How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered! (Psalm 139:16-17)

I have read this passage before, and I have heard a few interesting teachings from this passage that have raised theological questions in my mind about how "determined" my life is and how much God lets me choose how the book of my life will be written. But as I was reading this passage tonight, a different picture came to me. I did not study this passage, I am not trying to settle theological questions, and I am not teaching this as an interpretation to the passage...it is simply a picture that came to my mind.

It seems to me that it would be more accurate to describe God as the author of the book of my life rather than the reader, but tonight, I pictured God as reading the book of my life. I pictured it being a book that He did not want to put down...one of those books that draws you in and makes you feel like you are right there with the main character. It's not that my life is so great or interesting, but it was like God was reading and living the adventure with me.

And that got me to thinking about my life. Way too many days I get caught up in living life (i.e. paying bills, working, buying stuff and doing whatever else that keeps me busy, busy, busy) that I don't think about my life being an adventure that God wants to experience with me. He never intended for me to be caught up in the mundane; He wants to bring people into my life to make it richer, He has people He wants to minister to through me, He has situations that look totally impossible in this life that He wants to tackle with me (OK, He'd have to push me into those, but then He'd help me tackle them).

God, forgive me for making my "book" boring so often and not letting You experience with me the adventure You intended for my life. Help me to FILL my book with relationships, experiences, joys and risks taken for You. Let the book of my life be one that brings a smile to your face!